Think Cations; Think Positive - no more

It has been more than half a year since I last wrote an entry. And the time that has since passed has seen a lot of reality than I have ever seen in my past 25 years. I really think I have changed immensely - in terms of character, in terms of behaviour and especially in terms of thinking. I'm really glad to have found my dardar, who has taught me millions and opened the real world to me.

Once, when the bitter cold war was ongoing between Ceci and myself (it has long since ended, but we will never be the same again), she told me, 'Bing, you are always in your lala land'. I did not understand then, but I reckon I do now. It seemed like a great plus point then to be able to 'think cations; think positive', but actually this does not work in everyday life. I cannot possibly live in a world perceiving everyone to be the best, to be considerate and loving to one another. Especially when I'm not such a person myself. People backstab, people pretend and EVERYONE fends for themselves first.

For the first 25 years of my life, I seriously think that I am really a very nice person. Friends tell me that, family tells me that. It slowly seeped through to me that I am a very nice girl. There was even a guy who told me that I have an amazing personality - and nope, this guy did not have any interest in me then, nor now. It was until my dardar brought me to the mirror, taking me through the journeys of my actions that I realise I am not that nice. I'm not saying that I'm horrible as a human being, super evil or dispicable - I'm just not that nice. There you go, as easy as it was to type out in words now, trust me, it was devastating to find that out about myself when it first dawned on me.

As that fact smacked me in the face, more pieces started to fall in place. I was not one who analyse my actions; I just took them to be my spontaneous reactions. I always had explanations which sometimes I do not even realise those are not true until now. This probably sound ambiguous and stupid but it is the truth. I started to understand myself and the reasons for my actions and words. The reality of everyday life including working society sank in - Think Cations; Think Positive simply do not work. Whilst it is important to be optimistic, it is not realistic to be forever positive. For the new me, it is imperative to have contingency plans, and plan for the next step when things do not fall into the place that I want it to be. The old me would have probably resigned to fate and continue be cationic and wait for the next piece of candy to drop down my path.

Sometimes the truth scares me. But I am learning to accept the real me. Perhaps those reading this entry would think that I am in a bleak period of my life, but I assure you that I'm not. I'm very satisfied with my life now, but of course still constantly in the striving mode.

With discovering the true Fiona, I come to acceptance of my 'severence', for lack of a better word due to my limited vocab, with Ceci. I was not as affected as I thought I would be. The betrayal that I had initially felt has meltdown to nil. It is sad to know that as close to her as I had been, and the sisterly bonds that I perceived we had, was naught. I'm sorry that things has to come to this way. Although I still feel that the way she treated me then was not right, I'm sorry that she has to be the sacrificed one in the friendship between the 4 girls.

But all these, I will leave behind. I will not update on this blog again too, as the intent of this blog to be cationic is no longer valid in my school of thoughts. Thank you for everyone's comments if you had at one time or another left something for me to read. Good luck in life!

Cheers,

化学。。。

化学的主要目的就是研究反应。两种事物要有反应并非易事 - 位置， 温度，能量都得相符相称，缺一不可！所以，当事物有产生反应时，我们应该要好好地珍惜它。两种事物的结合，是不容小觑的- 因为它能产生的能量是无限的！

Getting more adventurous - thou am!

Have you ever realised that the most famous attractions in Singapore are seldom patronised by Singaporeans themselves? Perhaps they are overpriced? Or perhaps these places simply appeal more to the tourists/foreigners? Many a time, people just do not appreciate the things they have right beside them, but instead only mourn their losses when these are gone... Wow... Philosophical sia... *winks

Anyway, friday (31st Oct) was Halloween. This day is seldom celebrated in Singapore (or so I thought hehe)... Being the mountain turtle that I am, I exclaimed to my colleagues some weeks back that I have never been to the Night Safari! And ta da! On Halloween itself, my colleagues and myself, together with the organiser's friend, conquered Singapore's one and only Night Safari! It was only that day, that they had the Halloween special. There were people dressed up as the famous '贞子', witches and vampires etc out to scare you along the trails of the Night Safari. If not for the many teenage girls who hollered like there's no tomorrow, as well as the saffocating crowds, it would really have been quite freaky. With the trails being dark and quiet, and horrifying characters suddenly popping out to scare you - that would have been quite thrilling!

But anyway, the trip was overall fun, and I enjoyed myself immensely! As usual, I am such a easy person to please! =) Thinking forward, the next place that I would want to conquer of Singapore would probably be Sentosa - I have not been to the musical fountain, and many others at Sentosa before (once again, my guzness shows *bleah). Maybe I will go to the Zoo soon too! Back to the student times man!

It seems that recently, I have an appetite for thrills.. Challenging myself indeed! For instance, taking the reverse bungee a couple of weeks back - hey! Although it doesn't sound like a great deal, but it still took me some courage to take the ride! And being a super cowardy scaredy cat who never watched a horror flick before, deciding to act brave and go watch 'Coffin' just yesterday. Oh boy... it was............. NOT scary la.. Phew.... Granted, there were scenes that just render a scream from you, but the images were not of those that really haunt you and stay with you such that you hallucinate and cannot go to sleep. So, I did a horror flick finally and luckily, without any repercussions... Hehe...

I wonder what's the next plunge that I will take? Ideas pls.. Hehe...

OKie guys! I dun really think I want to see you all in ur speedos! Hahaha... I am shy la... *winks winks... but if u insist.... well...................... hahahaha (pls only upload impressive photos ya hohoho)

Alright this is bad... I am getting a little too used to the car.. Without the car = no going out. Going out = I need the car.. Bad... Over-reliance... I reckon I need to start taking the public transport again... Okie, thanks daddy for always giving in to me.. I think I am the bully at home *bleah! Alrighty, sleeping time now - tomorrow I need to go back office to clear emails mims and write my GPA.. Guess wat? I am driving to office tomorrow.. Is that any surprise? Hehe

Nite.........

A long break - yippees!

First things first - I have really given up on uploading the Langkawi photos on the blog.. It is impossible! So I have uploaded onto facebook, if you are interested, go ahead and take a look...
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Okie, I just came back from KL - was there on a 3day course - super boring! If not for my colleague who sits next to me, who is equally drained out by the monotonous overloading of way-too-technical information, I would have died of boredom! But other than that (which is the major part of the 4days spent there), the food was fantastic! My KL frens brought me around, and I had the opportunity to feast on their authentic satay, roadside nasi lemak (which is really amazing!), and up the hill to have Arabian mint tea (which was actually Boh tea with mint leaves.. duh...) and at the same time, overlooking the entire KL skyline (so romantic!). I also went for this 1.5hrs aromatic therapy massage, it was memorable - cos it left bruises on top of those I had from the rollerblading incident.. Ouchie - pain!

While I was out of town, I think my colleagues really missed me!! Haha.. But so do I... :p And of course, I missed my car too! It is so convenient to just drive around to where you want to go! For instance, this morning I sent grandma to auntie's house, had breakfast with mum and sending her to the train station (ps: she is worried to have me send her to the stall, she's worried about me driving long distances and to places I am not familiar with hehe thus I did not send her to the stall, although it would have been a prob trying to get home oops) and I drove to do my nails! And the day is not yet over! Tonight is my cousin's wedding, and I am to be the chaffeur to my uncle and brother hohooooo...

Oh it is just so nice to slack at home and enjoy the break! And I have all the way before I start work next tue!! Woohoooo

Recently, my craze is to go rollerblading, and I am proud to say that I have finally bought my blades! After the many nagging sessions from my colleague, who, during every blading session, just have to constantly harp on the money I am wasting on renting blades... I have finally gotten my own pair of blades! And I think that I got it at quite a good deal - I reckon I will be blading a lot more! Or so I hope hehe...

Of course during blading yesterday, there was some girl talk... Being with the other girls and all.. What's new rite? However I discovered a new aspect of myself - I have this feeling that I am becoming more mean - not that I am saying it is a bad thing... I am very much less inclined to be understanding and tolerating... Of course I do not think that this side of me applies to all... Maybe I am finding excuses for my not-so-desirable behaviour... Hmphmm.... But as time and incidents broadens my understanding of people and their makings, I realise not everyone deserves to have my total acceptance.

Also, I have heard this quite a lot recently from various parties about me being very nice, about me being so nice that my species is near extinction.. Seriously, all this niceness talk about me is having a toll on me. Because I really do not think I am such a nice girl.. I have times that I am selfish, times that I throw temptrums, times that I am unreasonable and times that I am just NOT nice... Well, as much as I wish I could, I cannot control what people think. I just hope that their perception of me will not tarnish the feelings they have for me, after they finally discovered that I am not as nice a person as they think I am - managing expections - hah...

Probably, just maybe - I am that nice because I do not think I am nice? Possibly? AWwww.... *winks

F1~ woohoo

Well, I guess the suspense of the hot babes are killing them - at least 3 guys anyway haha.. Actually I was intending to upload more scenic photos than anything else... Guys... *bleah

Not that I am a teaser, it's really that I have problems uploading the photos... Maybe the files are too big? They are all 1M and above, some up to 4M - is that why? Hmmmm...
Prob got to show u guys when we meet up, based on the assumption that the camera is with me la hehe

AND OOOOooo! I went for F1! Although it was the first night that I went, that it was only the practise event, it was still very exciting!!! When I first reached there, listening to all those 'vhroom-vhroom' killer noise, my heart just started thumping fast! Woohoo, I have never imagined myself to be at a FI race, so this really came as a surprise!

How loud can engines be right? But these racing cars are really some noise-pollution contributing 'things'! Without ear plugs, you can hardly survive! One thing about ear plugs is that you can't what the others are talking about, even if they sit right next to you. And me being the deaf cow that I already am, needs to have the ear stick next to the mouth to be able to hear haha! Must have a very silly image! But no complains there, cos once you take off the ear plugs, the noise is just irritating to the ears!

But watching the race on TV at home today is really much much better in turns of the things that you are able to see about the entire race. Nonetheless, being at the Grand Prix itself is really much more exciting, as you immerse in the atmosphere! Everyone's really excited and hyped up about the race!

SO thankfully for the tic that I am able to be part of the FIRST ever NIGHT RACE! Woohoo